We end up keeping score of how many times someone else was acknowledged or rewarded and we weren’t.
It’s human to look around and wonder why we aren’t getting our needs met. But sometimes it really gets in the way. For instance, I recently published a book. You can read more about it here.
I got a lot of accolades on social media from some friends, but heard crickets from others. What was up with that? Did they just not see my announcement, or did they ignore it?
That’s when the ego really digs in and gets me going. How dare they? Why are they ignoring me?
Thing is, for all I know, they didn’t see my post. Or they’re wrapped up in their own lives. If I really wanted their attention, I could’ve emailed them directly. But I didn’t do that.
How many times has someone posted something and I didn’t see it? Or I didn’t have time to respond? How many friends have asked me to call, and I forgot? Or I put it off because I had work to do?
My ego loves to focus on the things I think I’m not getting. It likes to make comparisons so that I always come out with the short end. Then I have a reason to bitch about how unfair it all is.
Yes, at times people are wrapped up in their own thing and they really don’t have time for you. And at times they purposely aren’t ready to deal with what you’re going through or to celebrate your successes. It happens. You’re not the center of their universe.
So I have to ask myself, do I need other people to approve of me? Or is my own approval enough?
It’s hard, though. Hard not to keep score. Hard not to be resentful or figure I’m being ignored for negative reasons.
I see me. Isn’t that enough? If not, why isn’t it?
Approval can become a drug. As long as we get it, we’re happy. When we don’t, we’re pissed.
The world is filled with people desperate to do anything to be seen. It will never be enough because their need is a deep hole that can’t be filled.
As long as I compare myself to everyone else, I’ll come up short.
I have to know with all my heart that I’m on the right path. I’m doing the best I can. I have to give myself my own accolades, even if no one else does. If they do, great. But I have to love and approve of myself first.
And once I do that, I can stop asking, “why not me?”
Copyright © 2014 Deborah A. Bailey
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