Release the Need to Be in Control

July 12, 2008
Release the Need to Be in Control

 In conversations with friends, acquaintances and clients the same issues come up.


People are looking to make changes in their lives. Whether the changes are professional, personal or both there is a need to find something deeper.


Change is not impossible, though there are times when it may seem that way. It’s easy to give up because going through the process feels excruciating.


So much has to be released that you wonder what will be left when it’s all over.


For some people that transition is uncomfortable because of fear of losing friends and loved ones.Changing may mean that you have to release relationships or habits that are not serving you. Why is that frightening? Because they’ve served you so far, haven’t they?


Are they really so bad? Well, only you can answer that. If they are positive and contribute to your overall health, then no, perhaps they aren’t bad for you. But if those habits (or people) are causing you stress and discomfort, then what do you gain by holding on to them?


Staying in control often means that the future ends up looking just like the past. We are so afraid of one thing or another that occurred in the past, that we will do everything to keep those events from happening again. However, we also keep anything new from happening, since all we have to go on is what we have already experienced.


We live from our perceptions of reality. My reality will probably not be the same as yours because we filter our current experiences through the experiences we’ve already had. There’s a quote from Einstein that basically says the same type of thinking that created a problem can’t be used to solve it. If we aren’t open to thinking differently – and hold on to our expectation that life will always be what it always has been – there can be no change.

Think Like an Entrepreneur: Transforming Your Career and Taking Charge of Your LifeBy controlling what we experience, we insure that nothing new or unexpected will ever enter into our lives.If something new does enter, we make every effort to force it back out again. Often this effort is unconscious. We don’t even realize we’re doing it.


Instead we make rationalizations about why the person, place or thing is not right for us. We hold on to what is familiar, even if it causes us pain.


Suppose something new and different gets our hopes up then turns out to disappoint us? Better to stay in control, limit our exposure to new and unpredictable experiences and protect ourselves from being hurt.

 Copyright © 2008 – 2016 Deborah A. Bailey


Deborah A Bailey

Deborah is a writer, writing workshop presenter and published author. She's host of the Women Entrepreneurs Radio podcast.

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